The Reality of the Situation is...

30 is the new 20…not when marriage and babies are concerned. One of my best friends called me today to tell me that we needed to find new friends because our old ones were either engaged or engaged in serious relationships. A few of her friends from high school were either married or engaged as well. We were single, very single. No man, no prospects, just us. And we needed to hang around women that were just as single and “alone” as we were. For her, having a constant reminder of the life that wasn’t, just wasn’t okay anymore.

This caught me off guard for a few reasons..My friend had recently been on this new “imma do me” kick. She was just chillin. Forget men, forget relationships, she would often say. She was just going to date, have fun, and not worry about getting serious for now. So of course I was on the phone, giving her my “Who are you right now?” look when she was spitting out this new idea. What happened to the liberated person that was having me evaluate my life earlier in the month…Well, I guess she left the building.

We all hear, and quite frankly, hate to hear, stories about women who are counting their eggs, listening to the ticking of their own clock, when it comes to settling down, and having children. But at what point is this reality? To step into Dawn from Danity Kane for a second, “The reality of the situation is,” women do have to be concerned about their age when it comes to procreating. The risks associated with pregnancy increase in a woman’s 30s. So in actuality, there is some validity to the clock concern.

When we were younger, and perhaps even now, we created a timeline for ourselves. “I’m going to finish school at 22, date, get married at 26, start having babies at 28, be done by 31, etc, etc,” or some variation. But then, the reality of the situation is, we cannot predict our love life. We cannot predict whom we meet, how we meet them, and when we meet them. We cannot predict these things, but at what time is it okay to be worried?

I think we’re walking a tightrope. It seems like the chances of everything bad happening with a pregnancy increases after 35…miscarriage, birth defects, stillbirth, cesarean birth, and high blood pressure. Ladies, I think that those are definitely reasons to be concerned, but how those concerns come across is definitely the issue. So I’m not going to give you an age at which you should start carrying around bank deposit cups, but I will help you out a little.
While, “Will you be my baby daddy?” may not actually come out of your mouth, your actions could actually be asking that question. You don’t want to be some woman that is on the sperm hunt, sniffing out any good man so that you can get his spearden. You want to be able to still live life, learn from different experiences, and appreciate all of the time that you have with any good or bad man that comes along.

So ladies, enjoy the single life as best as you can. I know it’s not easy, but in the meantime, try to take care of yourself so that when that time comes, you will be ready. Exercise daily, or almost daily, grow spiritually, eat a balanced diet, pamper yourself, and fall in love with yourself. Now that’s the reality of the situation!