Community Went Out With the Village People

I was talking to my cousin the other day about a family issue that I’d rather not disclose in this public forum. However, his suggestion what the family forge together to speak to an individual in the family about an issue we perceive he/she is having. The entire family notices this problem, and has said little things here and there, but perhaps more than just talk, an intervention was necessary. If things did not get called to the carpet, if you will, the effects could be detrimental. The time was now to speak up. This got me to thinking about family structure and really, its breakdown.

I’m too young to truly remember the days of “it takes a village,” but I’ve heard of them. This of course was when family and community members took ownership and pride in helping to raise kids that weren’t necessarily their own. Not even just kids, but to help contribute to the maturation and growth of its members in general. Whether you were 6 or 26, an older individual in the family or community, was willing to share their wisdom with you, because after all, your behavior affected more than just you. What I’m seeing, unfortunately, is a huge step, matter of a fact, a huge gallop in the opposite direction of this philosophy.

There are so many things that we see wrong in our families or communities or even amongst our friends that we ignore and let continue on into destruction. How many times have we turned a blind eye to neglectful parenting, and not said anything if only for the sake of the kids? How many times have we seen family members or friends engage in risky behaviors without so much of a second glance or a simple questioning intonation in our voice? Why are we so afraid to have those controversial conversations in which we let loose our true opinions of their life’s choices?

What we consider “intervening” on a family or community issue might be a quick comment to an individual in which we disagree with their actions, but no real intervention. We might say, “You need to stay your butt home with yo’ kids. I get tired of babysitting!” But that’s not intervention, and it will definitely not get the response we expect and desire. The correct intervention would to have a thorough sit-down, a “talkin’ to,” if you will, with that person so that they truly understand 1)your genuine concerns and sincerity and 2)what consequences you perceive their actions are having on their kids. This is also a time in which the other individual can speak candidly about their fears, their desires, and their hopes. Both individuals are respected and heard, not just a one-sided oral vomit of the mouth.

I guess we have taken that “judge not, lest ye be judged,” quote out of the Bible and run with it. But this doesn’t mean letting loved ones run themselves or their family into self-destruction. What we have got to understand is that sometimes conversations might need to be uncomfortable, but if the intention is to save or enhance a life, isn’t it worth it? I argue that this has contributed in large part to the breakdown of the black family, but we need to reclaim our community-type child, and really adult, rearing practices. Our future depends on it. And in the best Laurence Fishburne from School Daze voice I can give you, we need to “WWWAAAKKKEEE UUUPPP!!!”