Hanging On = A Travesty

I was “talking” to a girlfriend of mine on one of the infamously impersonal, yet perfectly convenient messaging sites, G-Chat, when the ubiquitous topic of men and dating came up. I asked her if the most important thing in dating was whether or not the other person treated her well. Of course, like any other self respecting woman, she replied, “umm, yes of course.” So then I asked, “has that led your dating decisions?” In dating, there are so many considerations that come into play, so many factors that we must wrestle with, that I began to wonder, “when deciding on whom we date, whom we give our time, do we use their treatment of us as a guide?" I would venture to say that the answer is oftentimes no.

Everyone knows that men and women can stay in a relationship for many reasons, and not one of them may have anything to do with how the other person treats them. For women, the sex may be good, they may feel lonely, or the man may spoil the woman with gifts, but at the core of the relationship, there is nothing substantial. For some reason, usually dealing with a lack of self-esteem, a lack of entitlement that one deserves something better, or some false security, the woman continues to pursue a relationship in which his treatment of her is subpar. For men, they may stay in a relationship because it’s fairly easy with this person, its best to have someone around, she may let him live out his fantasies in the bedroom, or because she seems like the best option amongst a host of bad ones. However, if we were to reflect on how considerate one person is of the other, we would be at a loss concerning the longevity of the relationship.

So, you may be reading this, thinking that this does not describe you at all. And it may not. In that case, I congratulate you. But for the many others of us, that cannot say it with confidence, here’s a test. 1) What does that person do for you? I’m not necessarily asking if the person buys you gifts or treats you to dinner all of the time, but what do they do for you? What about your life is enhanced since you’ve been dating them? 2) Do they seem to consider you in their decisions? I am not talking about decisions to buy a house or a car, you may or may not even be to that level, but do they consider you when they make plans to hang out with their friends or go out of town or work late? 3) When you discuss how you like to be treated, how you receive love, do they make efforts to meet that need for you? If you tell them that quality time is important, do they make an attempt to meet you in that necessity? 4) This one is quite simply…do they even like you? Like genuinely like you: who you are, what you stand for, what you bring to the table? And lastly 5) If you were dating someone else that was unattractive, financially unstable, or the sex was bad, and treated you similarly, would you stay?

If we’re honest with ourselves, we may find that we oftentimes stay in situations that quite frankly, aren’t worth our time. We know that it is not going anywhere, or that if all things were perfect, this person that we are dating would in actuality, be someone else. Now this is not to say that every "relationship" one has needs to lead to something serious, but it at least needs to be something that respects who you are as a person. So I challenge you, realize your worth, realize your needs, and find someone that truly meets them. Say goodbye to Mr. or Mrs. Right Now, and say hello to getting yourself right for when Mr. or Mrs. Right comes along. If not, you'll be hanging on to something that's certainly not there.