I used to sing in the shower. Now I just think. As the water hits me, so do my thoughts. Running through my day. Running through my emotions, my experiences, my feelings, my all. It's my quiet time. This morning, as I washed my hair, I had even more time to think. Today's 30 things come from my shower thoughts.
I have learned that people will give to you and take from you as much as you allow them. Initially, when you meet someone, they are trying to learn you, trying to gauge what is okay and what is not. It's up to you to teach them the appropriate things and ways of interacting with you. I always say that you teach people how to treat you. Teach them how to accept the word "no" as well. Don't be a "yes" person for the sake of pleasing people.
I'm a good catch. I'm cute, funny, laid back, sophisticated yet down to earth, college educated, family oriented, etc. etc. I sing Jodeci and can quote scenes from Coming to America and the Five Heartbeats. I do more than microwave meals. You know, I'm basically perfect. I kid, well just a little. However, the dating scene for me has been less than subpar. Hey, and I could definitely be the odd woman out. Maybe everyone else's dating experience in Atlanta has been amazing, but mine has sucked balls. Gigantor ones. More and more, men are having to do less work. Be less interested. Be less aggressive. And they are still able to walk around here like hot commodities. Women have come too easily for so many of them, that when they find one who demands more, not even extreme expectations, they are unable and unwilling to fall in line. Why would they? You ratchet ones aren't demanding much.
I read this quote on a high school friend of mine's Instagram page. It actually had many more expletives in there. Something like, "Don't let your boyfriend or girlfriend feel single. They might f**k around and act motherf**kin single, b***h!@!" Too much? I may have exaggerated a little, but you get the point. If this isn't real life, I do not know what is. It's true. Relationships require attention. They require work. They require time. Relationships require that you get your needs met. Of course, every need that you have may not get met through this one relationship, but I look at my relationships as friendships as well. It's not just about the physical, its about a friendship. Are you my friend and can I talk to you? Can I depend on you? Are you there for me to vent when I am having a good or bad day? On the weekends, prime boo time days, am I seeing you, or am I at home or out with my girls? You can keep playing if you want to, but when you let your boyfriend or girlfriend feel single, they will look elsewhere to get their needs met. It may be a family member, a same sex friend, or an opposite sex friend that becomes a homieloverfriend. You have been warned.
This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves, like, in life. I just don't feel like it takes that long to text back. Unless you are at a place without good reception, sleep, driving on a roadtrip, or working out, responding to a text in a reasonable amount of time is easy. I didn't even include work on this exception list, because I don't even have reception in my school building and I STILL look at my phone several times a day, in the hope that some reception has somehow pervaded the cinder block walls. Texting is for fast and easy communication. It even alerts you when you get a text. And I do not know about the next man, but when my phone alerts, I look at the phone! Funny how that works. What is the point of having texting capabilities if you are not going to use it for it's purpose...convenience.
Thanks for listening and reading. I need to finish these before I turn 31, so be looking for my next post one day soon!
6. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
1. Sometimes, the best thing you can be is selfish.
We've been raised to think that selfishness is a negative thing. That you should put others before you. That you should be giving. That you should sacrifice, almost to a fault. But at the end of the day, (that's how you know when people are being serious) you can't be selfless all the time. Selfishness definitely has its place. I'll admit, this is a hard balance, but I'm learning that few things to the extreme left or right are good. Cause at the end of the day, most people that you associate with will not love you more than you love yourself. So do yourself a favor, be selfish sometimes.
2. You can't plan for everything, but a rough draft is good. You can revise and edit.
I'm a planner, and that's no lie. I like to know what I am doing each day. I'm not that spontaneous. This is something that I have wanted to work on, to allow myself to be in the moment at times. I have gotten better, but again, few things to the extreme left or right are good. Everything shouldn't be planned all the time, on everyday, right down to the minute. However, walking around all loosey goosey all the time makes you, dare I say it......waste time. So get some business about yourself, pencil some things in.
3. Your mind, your thoughts, your opinions, your feelings change often.
This is so the definition of me. I guess its maturity and exposure that helps with this. I have had fairly strong opinions of weaves, "nonewfriends," and the state of education, and basically all of those opinions have changed to some extent over the years. I guess I realize that things aren't black and white. There are exceptions to every rule.
4. Daddy’s little girls have a hard time dating.
(770)981-4002. That was my private phone number growing up. I remember talking for hours on that phone. Getting to know boys, boyfriends, and wanna be boyfriends. I literally considered the ease in which I was able to conduct conversations with a guy as evidence on the amount of chemistry we had. Could we talk for hours? No pauses? Finishing sentences? Did we really have to tell each other to hang up in order to get off of the phone? "You hang up, no you hang up. On three hang up?" Yep, I did that. It may not have seemed like it then, but a guy had to put in some work, stay on the phone line, to get to know me. I mean, it doesn't seem like this equated to high standards, but clearly, it does.
I know that everyone doesn't like talking on the phone. I get it. And I'm not saying to over exacerbate this method of communication either. What I am saying is...texting gets the job done. Bravo to the phone companies for creating such a convenient tool. It's great when used as intended. It's a way to quickly contact someone to update them, share a funny tidbit, check-in every few weeks, particularly if you do not feel like talking, or have the time to do so. But quite frankly, if you really want to get to know someone, you need to have the time and the desire. If not, you're wasting your unlimited text messages.
People are quick to say that being able to reproduce does not make a man a father, but dare I say it, it doesn't make a woman a mother either. Why should we assume that being a female carries some sort of motherly gene that gets activated when a woman gives birth? Let's be clear. There are some sorry, pathetic mothers out there that have no right giving birth to a dog, let alone a child. I get tired of hearing single mother mantras and soliloquies, as if it applies to all. I can't feel sorry for you when you have three kids running behind you, one on the hip, and one that you're expecting. A handout? Some help? Child please.
There are some women that have children for very selfish reasons. To keep a man. To be forever connected to a man. Because babies are so stinking cute. They make a very linear decision to have a child, without thinking about what it really takes to parent one. These are the women that get pregnant by men that have fatherless children, but feel that they will have a different experience. That, for some reason, he'll be a better father for her soon to be fatherless child. But the cycle continues. Women have got to think with their brains, not their longing for male attention or to feed their ego or insecurities. I don't feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for the children that are born into such foolishness and instability.
And here's my ending preface...I know many excellent single mothers. This is no disrespect to them. They have amazing children, with amazing experiences and loving lives. They look at their motherhood as a gift, rather than a burden. Cheers to you! Sing your single mother mantra, but keep the others out of it.