Dying On Our Feet


I’ve been waiting a long time to write this piece. For fear of offending people, for fear of seeming judgmental, for fear of stepping on people’s toes, even the ones that I love, just for fear, in fear. But at some point, this conversation has to be had, this darkness brought to light, this piece written. I am so saddened by it, yet angered by it, that I can no longer ignore the topic...unprotected sex outside of marriage.


It plagues my mind, humbles my spirit, angers my soul, and upsets my love for mankind. With all of the statistics that are readily available regarding HIV/AIDS and other STDs and the statistics surrounding single parent homes, I cannot help but to be completely baffled by the reality that women and men still place themselves in compromising situations where their lives and livelihoods are at risk. It’s one of those things that I just don’t get.


So often, when I speak to women, they use unprotected sex as a security blanket. They think that having unprotected sex is proof that the guy is not cheating on them. Or they have gotten to the point where they feel so comfortable with their man that they completely let their guard down. And letting your guard down is good. How can one expect to receive love if they are afraid of giving it? But that does not include putting yourself at risk or having children when you are not ready. How many times have we been dating someone, especially if we take it back pretty far, and feel that the relationship is going somewhere, really going somewhere? That this is someone I could marry? We quickly get married on scratch paper; you know, when we scribble our name with our boyfriend’s last name attached to it? We thought that it was going to last but it didn’t. So we end up having unprotected sex with all of our boyfriends, because this one, this one right here, this one, is going to last…but it doesn’t last forever. Our consequences do.


And it’s not about education anymore. It’s out there. The truth is out there. HIV/AIDS is real. Single parent struggles are real. But we seemed to have regressed to our teenage years, where we think that we’re untouchable, unstoppable. The problem is…we’re grown. We quickly find out that with our teenage decisions, comes a lot of adult responsibilities, adult reality, and adult heartache.


It’s not even specific to one type of community, or one type of person. There are educated, middle class women that make the same mistakes as uneducated women from lower class backgrounds. Teachers, lawyers, nurses, managers, McDonald’s crew members…we’re all cut from the same cloth. We make the same decisions when we meet a man that satisfies us sexually, mentally, emotionally, financially… or even if he doesn’t.


I have a friend who asserts that women, whether they admit it or not, have come to accept whatever the consequences are, as a possibility. That they have accepted the idea that they could get pregnant by this man, and that they are okay with it, and what comes along with it. I don’t agree, but okay, it’s probably not life or death. But the other side of that coin…have they also accepted the possibility of catching a life sentence? Have they swallowed that pill? I mean truly swallowed it? Because my thoughts are that it has to have crossed their mind at some point...what if? Just sit on that for a second. (second) What if? Truly what if? Why isn’t that “what if” strong enough, scary enough, challenging enough, to correct us?


We’ll continue to kill ourselves, kill our communities, kill our families, because we have not come to grips with the reality that bad or challenging things happen to good people, or that we are not immune from the harshness of life. We have the information we need. We have the statistics we need. We have the protection we need, yet we are dying on our feet (shoutout to King for the title).


And please please, do not waste your energy informing me of how nothing is promised, how marriages these days are not secure either. How your own husband can give you a disease. Save your breath. Save your fingers. Forget about Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and what they got going on. What are you doing to save yourself?

The Hand That Feeds You


I won’t be ignorant or insensitive and quote one of my favorite lines of Chris Rock’s Bigger and Blacker, but if you are familiar with his standup, you will soon realize what quote I am referring to. To put it plainly, I am so tired of black folks. Of course I realize that “all black people” are not one particular way or another, and I also realize that I am using “black folks” loosely. Charge it to my poetic license and not my level of open-mindedness or tolerance. However, the crime and mentality in many black neighborhoods is so devastating to our community and society in general, that it pains me to continue to witness and experience much of its effects. Although I have purposely placed myself in low-income communities to work, my desire to continue my service in our communities has recently been challenged.


As an educator, I see my purpose as helping children to grow and mature academically, emotionally, psychologically, and socially. I know that children from low income families, which are often minorities, often have problems getting the resources, instruction, and proper role models that they need in order to actually develop into the individuals that are going to contribute most to society. So that’s what I feel my purpose is…to help little minority children realize their potential and press towards that potential. But what is sad is, the community sees us not as community leaders or service providers, but as targets, targets for their criminal activity, their vandalism, their ignorance.

My second week on the job, my car was broken into, windows busted, and out of sight valuables, stolen. Just last week, two teenagers were standing outside in the almost empty parking lot, in the rain, with hoods on, waiting for myself and/or the other dedicated lone ranger to leave the building. The custodian had to watch me as I went to my car. And today, a hubcap from two different cars was stolen. All this, from a neighborhood that needs educators that can give their children, their brothers and their sisters, the love, attention, and intellectual stimulation that is so often missing in their own families of origin.

It is disheartening that as an educator, you sacrifice so much of yourself. You give your all. You endure ever-changing policies and methods of evaluation, budget cuts, and subpar pay just so that one student’s life can be enriched because of your service. You take your dedication to tomorrow’s future and become a teacher, a principal, a school counselor (that’s me), a school psychologist, and yet, a target. What happens when enough is enough, and all those dedicated individuals take their dedication elsewhere? A place where they will be safe, their belongings secured, and their efforts appreciated? Where will that leave our little minority children?

This blog was a nice little vent, but a follow-up to what all this means for black America is forthcoming....hold your horses.

Losing Isaiah...


Remember the stories about Pushalittleharder, the daddy who put his fire truck into the mommy’s fire station, or the school girl chants that we used to sing while shaking it to the north, east, south, and west? Or remember the episode of The Cosby Show when Rudy was singing, “Baby do it to me, all night long?” And she thought that the song was about doing homework? Well, those were the sexual jokes and references that I was introduced to in my elementary years. Yea, we had little innuendos and sexual conversations, but those stories are nothing compared to what children know these days.

Recently I was looking through some files, and I saw a beautiful picture of man’s penis and the vaginal lips of a woman. The illustration also showed a girl receiving oral sex from a little boy. Oh and the artist?....a 3rd grader. Since when did eight year olds know what oral sex was, let alone know that girls receive pleasure by being tasted in their Loveland? I sure didn’t. I’ve even had a 12 year old say something to me about tea bagging, and a 10 year old say something about jacking off. You may think my name was Wilma Mae if I told you when I learned about tea bagging. Kids are being exposed to so much….where does it end? And more importantly, where does it lead to?

This reality honestly scares me, because it means that children will inevitably make choices that their bodies and minds are not prepared for. They’re hearing things from their peers, seeing sexual acts and references on the television, and no doubt getting inappropriate information from their parents. This is when curiosity can literally kill the cat. Kids may end up choosing to participate in sexual activities without truly understanding what they are undertaking and the responsibilities that come along with it. And I know that “mama gotta get hers too,” and “rappers ain’t nobody’s role models,” but who then gets the responsibility? Or better yet, who will take on the responsibility as babies continue to have babies and communities continue to be plagued with STDs?

It’s like at some point between the 90’s and the new millennium, we’ve forgotten all about censorship and that line between what adults should know and what kids should know and the pacing of it. Before you know it, kids will be teaching adults the sexual education classes…but wait; do they even still have those?

And as an aside...special shoutouts go to my childhood sexual jokes research team...the women who had problems with their legs in undergrad.

A Woman's Gotta Have it


Of course, T.I., T.I.P., Clifford Harris, whatever you would like to call him, is a rapper, a lyricist, an entertainer, but I would venture to say that during a fairly recent interview he made one of the most profound assertions ever to be made regarding love and relationships. “Its two types of dudes who will never have a problem getting a woman, a man of danger and a man who’s funny. If you can make her safe or make her laugh, or both, you’re good.” Wanting to make sure I got the quote correct, I pulled up the interview, took out my pencil and pad, and watched the clip repeatedly. Oh how I love TI’s Southern pastoral, Oswald Bates-In Living Color, type vibe!

I began to reflect on my past relationships and my desires in a mate. Comical. Check. Risky. Check. Not quite right or parent approved. Check. TI was right. I fit the bill. For some reason, those two things had been extremely appealing to me. And if they had both, even better. I will say that I’ve evolved, a bit, but I would really like to use TI’s philosophy to take up for myself and most women. This is a little different from the old idea that good girls like bad boys, but the underlying reason is the same. Women like a man that makes them feel secure. And this is more than just financial. Most women find comfort in knowing that their man is a “man,” with masculine attributes, confidence, and strength. As we get older, we don’t want the “thugs” that we did back in high school, but we definitely appreciate the men that can get “project-ish” if they need to.

And laughter; nothing is sexier than a man that is funny, but doesn’t try to be. He’s confidently funny, not over doing it, but has a clever sense of humor. He can keep us feeling light-hearted, entertained, and carefree. I sense my perfect boo. Men, if you can provide neither comic relief nor security, I suggest you start investing in a 401K.

Hooked on Ebonics...doesn't work for me.




“You talk like a white girl.” “You trying to act white.”

For some reason, many black people have come to adopt the notion that we as a race speak improper English; that if you don’t add enough ain’t’s, imma’s, skreets, skraights, and skrimps to your speech, you are indeed acting or speaking “white.” Being that I’ve always been a target of this claim, I have always felt offended and quite frankly, put in a box, with this type of thinking. For me, it limits what is considered “black,” and what is considered “white.” It stereotypes. It produces shortcomings. It automatically sets up a hierarchy when it comes to language…black people speak poor English and whites speak proper English. Why does my English have to be poor? Can’t I be proper?

Of course, this is in reaction to the new Drug Enforcement Agency undertaking where they are attempting to hire nine Ebonics speakers in order to solve drug and criminal investigations. I have a problem with this. If blacks cannot agree on what is “black” and “white” in language, amongst many other things, how can we come to define Ebonics as African-American Vernacular English(the term that is being used)? So all of a sudden we have a language that is not used or recognized by all of its members? I think not.

The term “Ebonics,” became widely recognized in 1996, when the Oakland school board attempted to write a resolution that would allow instruction to be given in Ebonics and English. Upon my research, I found that Ebonics was not and is not simply considered slang, but it is actually being presented as though it is a language of the African-American community. Apparently African-Americans are “biologically predisposed toward a particular language through heredity.” I guess genetics has contributed to me throwing all of my words together, cutting off my sentences, and adding a “know what I’m sayin’” at the end. The Oakland schools were even trying to consider English as a second language (ESL) endorsement for teachers who were “bilingual.” Come on. While I appreciate someone attempting to legitimize the way we speak behind closed doors, but not really, I’ll pass.

And now the DEA wants to hire Ebonics experts. This step would actually “legitimize” Ebonics as a language, coincidentally confirming the idea that all or most African-Americans speak something other than English. I guess maybe we should have hillbilly experts, or perhaps valley girl or surfer dude experts as well. When teachers have conferences, they’ll need translators for Spanish-speaking people, as well as black folks. When parents schedule their conferences, they’ll need to decide whether or not they need a translator present for the meeting, for those unfamiliar English terms.

In case I was unclear, I don’t like this idea. It will inevitably have a serious backlash against the African-American community. “They talk so bad, they need translators.” “They’re so different, they have their own language.” The thing is, it would be recognized as a “language,” but definitely not given legitimacy. A person speaking Ebonics will still be seen as an ignorant person, with non-standard, lazy speech. This is more than just an aid to the DEA, it’s an open door for controversy, discrimination, and continued separation.

Boxer briefs vs. Panties

While boxer briefs are fairly comfortable, that is not necessarily the point of this post. I’m sure we all know someone, or maybe we are that someone, that after a lot of heartbreak and headache, there comes a time that we as women try to disengage ourselves from men emotionally, and try instead to pursue a mainly physical or social relationship with a guy. In essence, we want to date like a man. We want to be able to have sex with a man, go out on multiple dates, or get our foreplay on, without any attachment, any feelings, any real connection with the other person. But can we really do it?

My girlfriends and I definitely all went through an “imma do me” phase of our own, some to a greater or lesser extent, some to a more reckless extent than others, some for a longer time than others, but what it meant, for all of us, was that we wanted to get ours. We wanted to experiment. We wanted to be able just have fun, let ambitions go, and not have a bunch of emotion attached to it. We wanted to be as detached as we had perceived men to be. And of course, since we were all coming to this idea at the same time, we were our best cheerleaders…"mmmhmm girl! Do you, cuz imma do me..imma do me! That’s all I can tell you. I gotsta get mine!" We were so into it, and so convinced that we could actually do this, and be successful at it.

What we didn’t know was, or perhaps we were in denial that we already have one up on men when it comes to dealings of the heart for two main reasons. First, since birth we have been conditioned to think with our hearts, rather than our heads, and secondly, whether we like to admit it or not, the estrogen in our bodies contributes to our emotionality. So we kind of set ourselves up, thinking that we could let go of the first 27 years of our life, and turn over a brand new leaf of behaving and interacting with men. Granted, we were decently successful at it, some more than others, but after awhile, not only had reality set in, the feelings had also.

Though we were slow to admit it, we had each far surpassed the “dating like a man” phase, and had actually entered into the “dang, this is actually my boo” torment. So I began to wonder; what would have made it easier? Dating multiple men, with each having the same level of fervor or chemistry? Keeping the physicality out of the “relationship?” Always making sure that we had the upper hand in the direction of the “relationship?” I don’t know. I don’t have the answer, but what I do know is that somehow, what we each were trying to avoid, actually found its way back to us. And we ended up having to not only grapple with these feelings, but also the disbelief and shock that these feelings had actually formed. So I ask you, America, boxer briefs or panties; can women wear both?

Community Went Out With the Village People


I was talking to my cousin the other day about a family issue that I’d rather not disclose in this public forum. However, his suggestion what the family forge together to speak to an individual in the family about an issue we perceive he/she is having. The entire family notices this problem, and has said little things here and there, but perhaps more than just talk, an intervention was necessary. If things did not get called to the carpet, if you will, the effects could be detrimental. The time was now to speak up. This got me to thinking about family structure and really, its breakdown.

I’m too young to truly remember the days of “it takes a village,” but I’ve heard of them. This of course was when family and community members took ownership and pride in helping to raise kids that weren’t necessarily their own. Not even just kids, but to help contribute to the maturation and growth of its members in general. Whether you were 6 or 26, an older individual in the family or community, was willing to share their wisdom with you, because after all, your behavior affected more than just you. What I’m seeing, unfortunately, is a huge step, matter of a fact, a huge gallop in the opposite direction of this philosophy.

There are so many things that we see wrong in our families or communities or even amongst our friends that we ignore and let continue on into destruction. How many times have we turned a blind eye to neglectful parenting, and not said anything if only for the sake of the kids? How many times have we seen family members or friends engage in risky behaviors without so much of a second glance or a simple questioning intonation in our voice? Why are we so afraid to have those controversial conversations in which we let loose our true opinions of their life’s choices?

What we consider “intervening” on a family or community issue might be a quick comment to an individual in which we disagree with their actions, but no real intervention. We might say, “You need to stay your butt home with yo’ kids. I get tired of babysitting!” But that’s not intervention, and it will definitely not get the response we expect and desire. The correct intervention would to have a thorough sit-down, a “talkin’ to,” if you will, with that person so that they truly understand 1)your genuine concerns and sincerity and 2)what consequences you perceive their actions are having on their kids. This is also a time in which the other individual can speak candidly about their fears, their desires, and their hopes. Both individuals are respected and heard, not just a one-sided oral vomit of the mouth.

I guess we have taken that “judge not, lest ye be judged,” quote out of the Bible and run with it. But this doesn’t mean letting loved ones run themselves or their family into self-destruction. What we have got to understand is that sometimes conversations might need to be uncomfortable, but if the intention is to save or enhance a life, isn’t it worth it? I argue that this has contributed in large part to the breakdown of the black family, but we need to reclaim our community-type child, and really adult, rearing practices. Our future depends on it. And in the best Laurence Fishburne from School Daze voice I can give you, we need to “WWWAAAKKKEEE UUUPPP!!!”

March Madness



Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. You need to forgive and forget.
Cut your losses, and move on. Let bygones be bygones. Never make the same mistake twice. Don’t hold grudges. We have all heard and said these mantras over and over again, but they feel like they are actually in opposition to one another. How does one let bygones be bygones, but also not play the fool? I have, as everyone else in the world, been disappointed by friends and family and colleagues and have struggled with this notion. So I began to wonder, who is right? Should you learn from your lessons and let go of certain people and/or things in your life or should you hold on to them and forgive and forget? Or more appropriately, can you forgive and forget a person for their infraction or an offense, and still move along?

I don’t understand why the two have to be mutually exclusive. Forgive and forget implies that the offense is forgiven, forgotten, and things can go on as usual. But does that allow you to learn from experience? If a person borrows money from you and never pays it back, should you forgive and forget that infraction, and still loan money as you usually would? I would hope not. History has warned you against it. You can forgive the person, but forgetting the action keeps you from learning the lesson.

In my house, I have inspirational vitamins, if you will, posted all over the walls. Periodically, I look at them, and am uplifted. One of my favorites says, “If you meet someone whose soul is not aligned with yours, send them love, and move along.” This says to me, if there is someone who doesn’t stand for what you stand for, doesn’t exhibit mutual care and respect for you, don’t be concerned with developing a relationship with them. Stay positive and don’t harbor any ill feelings for them, but move along. I call this intuition. I call this learning from life’s lessons. Other people call it holding a grudge...not fair. Should you keep someone in your life because they have been there? I am a firm believer in some people being in your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Madea claimed that we keep people in our life for a lifetime, when they were intended to be there for a season. “Letting go” of someone could be that you simply understand that their season is up, and for me, that’s growth, not grudge.

But I guess what’s important is that you shouldn’t feel the need to defend your growth/grudge to anyone. You do need to assess it, however. 1) Do you feel like the relationship can bounce back from the offense? Sometimes, quite honestly, the hurt is so deep, the cut so bad, that recovery seems far beyond reach. I would say, let that thang play out. Eventually time will tell if the relationship is reparable. 2) What does the offense say about the person? One thing that cannot be negated is that we all make mistakes. Is the offense typical of the person? Is it apart of their character? Or was it happenstance? For example, if a person offends you, and at the core of the offense was selfishness, you would need to figure out if it’s a character trait. If it is quite simply a character trait, you can rest assured that selfishness will come up again in the relationship. Which brings me to the third question…3) Can you handle that character trait? If that person is like Jack from Will and Grace, at the center, with everything else revolving around him or her, can you handle that? Is it okay that your needs or desires may take a backseat to theirs? If so, be okay with it, and do not get upset when their selfishness rears its ugly head. 4) What is the purpose of this “moving along?” Are you brutally angry? Are their additions to your life much less than the subtractions? Do they take more from your spirit than they add to it? If that is the case, I say, send them love, and move along.

The key is indeed sending them love, however. At the core of this process is the refusal to let bitterness intercede your feelings and actions. It’s the age old adage that you forgive others for yourself, not necessarily for them. You have to forgive them for their infraction, in order to not let bitterness and anger reside in your spirit and heart. If you do, you will find that even though you have “moved along” from them, you have also brought them with you, in the form of disappointment and hurt, in your future relationships.

And the title of this blog…well I compare friendships and familyships to March Madness. You may have 16 (in honor of Ochocinco ) people, friends or family, in your life that have some sort of significance for you. Through trials, events, and circumstances, a person’s place in the bracket will shift depending on their decisions and its affect on you. A little bit different from the actual March Madness though, one bad performance doesn’t necessarily knock a person out of the competition or your life, but perhaps their place in it may change. Instead of your BFF, they are now your BF or just your F, or maybe even an A (associate). You now know the healthiest way to interact with that person, in order for your needs not to get compromised. And for all parties involved…try not to take it personal, you’re just moving people along, based on their performance.

When BMI meets SES


When I was preparing to write this blog entry, I began to reminisce on my old days teaching in Bowen Homes, a housing project in Atlanta that was torn down last year. I remember there being a library, a supermarket, a school, and a community center right there in the midst of the neighborhood. I remember thinking how “sheltered” my students were, because they rarely got out of the hood. Everything that they needed, or so thought, was within walking distance for them.

What brought me to this walk down memory lane was an article that I had read in the Washington Post (WP), called The High Cost of Poverty. The article speaks about how you actually have to be rich, in order to be poor; how it actually is expensive to live in poverty. Because I have lately been “living my life like it’s healthy,” their information about grocery prices and access to quality groceries really struck a chord with me. Were the residents of Bowen Homes, my students, in a similar boat with some of the disenfranchised community members that the article spoke of?

I started to play back the structure of the community, the layout of the surrounding streets. I remember the O.K. Supermarket on the corner, right when you make that right on Wilkes Circle, but I could not remember an actual grocery store. My mind traveled down Donald Lee Hollowell, or Bankhead Highway if you’ve been in Atlanta awhile, Hamilton E. Holmes Drive, and even Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. I sat there for awhile, trying to will a grocery store into my memory, but nothing. This led me to believe that either most Bowen Homes residents shopped at the O.K. Supermarket, or that they had to drive or ride for miles in order to get to a grocery store.

The WP article claimed that grocery prices are much more expensive in urban areas, and I am sure that we confirm these claims, as we have all had our taste of price gauging. For example, they assert that a loaf of white bread in an urban supermarket might cost $2.99, with wheat costing $3.79. A gallon of milk, which I’m sure is most likely whole, costs $4.99. Conversely, a Safeway in a nearby suburban area basks in cheaper prices. For that same white bread, $1, and $1.19 for the wheat. And instead of $5, the milk costs $3.49. Now these might not reflect the prices near your home, milk is on sale at the Kroger near my house for $1.98, but you get the point. Grocery prices in urban areas are most likely to be more expensive than prices in suburban areas. What ends up happening is that these residents not only spend more money on their groceries, but they end up buying less healthy items for cheaper prices, which contributes to the high levels of obesity in low income areas.

The Office of the Surgeon General released a report in 2001 claimed that women of lower socioeconomic status were 50% more likely to be obese than those with higher socioeconomic status. We know that with obesity come generations of unhealthy living, heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and early deaths. People in these communities, somewhat because of access and resources, are set up for an unhealthy lifestyle, which really creates a cycle within the family. A coincidence?

Hanging On = A Travesty

I was “talking” to a girlfriend of mine on one of the infamously impersonal, yet perfectly convenient messaging sites, G-Chat, when the ubiquitous topic of men and dating came up. I asked her if the most important thing in dating was whether or not the other person treated her well. Of course, like any other self respecting woman, she replied, “umm, yes of course.” So then I asked, “has that led your dating decisions?” In dating, there are so many considerations that come into play, so many factors that we must wrestle with, that I began to wonder, “when deciding on whom we date, whom we give our time, do we use their treatment of us as a guide?" I would venture to say that the answer is oftentimes no.

Everyone knows that men and women can stay in a relationship for many reasons, and not one of them may have anything to do with how the other person treats them. For women, the sex may be good, they may feel lonely, or the man may spoil the woman with gifts, but at the core of the relationship, there is nothing substantial. For some reason, usually dealing with a lack of self-esteem, a lack of entitlement that one deserves something better, or some false security, the woman continues to pursue a relationship in which his treatment of her is subpar. For men, they may stay in a relationship because it’s fairly easy with this person, its best to have someone around, she may let him live out his fantasies in the bedroom, or because she seems like the best option amongst a host of bad ones. However, if we were to reflect on how considerate one person is of the other, we would be at a loss concerning the longevity of the relationship.

So, you may be reading this, thinking that this does not describe you at all. And it may not. In that case, I congratulate you. But for the many others of us, that cannot say it with confidence, here’s a test. 1) What does that person do for you? I’m not necessarily asking if the person buys you gifts or treats you to dinner all of the time, but what do they do for you? What about your life is enhanced since you’ve been dating them? 2) Do they seem to consider you in their decisions? I am not talking about decisions to buy a house or a car, you may or may not even be to that level, but do they consider you when they make plans to hang out with their friends or go out of town or work late? 3) When you discuss how you like to be treated, how you receive love, do they make efforts to meet that need for you? If you tell them that quality time is important, do they make an attempt to meet you in that necessity? 4) This one is quite simply…do they even like you? Like genuinely like you: who you are, what you stand for, what you bring to the table? And lastly 5) If you were dating someone else that was unattractive, financially unstable, or the sex was bad, and treated you similarly, would you stay?

If we’re honest with ourselves, we may find that we oftentimes stay in situations that quite frankly, aren’t worth our time. We know that it is not going anywhere, or that if all things were perfect, this person that we are dating would in actuality, be someone else. Now this is not to say that every "relationship" one has needs to lead to something serious, but it at least needs to be something that respects who you are as a person. So I challenge you, realize your worth, realize your needs, and find someone that truly meets them. Say goodbye to Mr. or Mrs. Right Now, and say hello to getting yourself right for when Mr. or Mrs. Right comes along. If not, you'll be hanging on to something that's certainly not there.

Gravity




“Girls you know you better watch out. Some guys, some guys are only about, that thing, that thing, that thing,” Lauryn Hill warned us years ago. She was warning that some men are only after one thing, and in the previous verse, she gave that same warning about women. Men and women, though trying to hide their truths, are all after some “thing.” While I agree with Lauryn, and it’s actually one of my favorite songs of hers, I want to take her song a step further. In relationships, and even in our friendships or familyships, we all have a “thing” that attracts us or repels us from another person. I am not talking about the way a person looks or the kind of financial stability they offer, I am talking about “that thing.” “That thing” is more of a feeling that a person allows us to experience when we are in their presence or in communication with them. This is what turns casual dating into exclusivity, exclusivity into engagement, engagement into marriage, and marriage into forever. The presence or lack thereof has large affects on the strength of the relationship.

For some of us, “that thing” could be “feeling understood.” That person makes us feel as if they understood our experiences, our fears, our troubles. They really get “us,” the essence of who we are as people. We feel as if we don’t have to explain all of our idiosyncrasies to them, because for some reason, they already know. For others of us, “that thing” could be “feeling wanted.” That person is so into our physical, spiritual, or emotional being that we really can feel their desire for us. That attracts us to them. One of our needs is to feel wanted, and their ability to provide that for us is attractive. For some men, “that thing” may be that she makes you feel strong, or needed. Instead of emasculating you, she makes you feel that you are her hero, her strength, and that you are not merely an addition, but more of a complement. You know that you have a place in her life.

“That thing” can really separate the boys from the men, the girls from the women, the jump offs from the boos. One person could be dating two people with the exact same credentials, in regards to attractiveness, personality, career, but where they land in that person’s life could be completely different, if they are offering “that thing.” A woman can have a man that treats her nicely, cares for her, and shows it in his actions, but if her “thing” is to feel uninhibited, and he doesn’t provide that for her, her heart may be found elsewhere. She may need someone that helps her release her inhibitions, her fears, her self-checks, and if she doesn’t feel comfortable to do that with him, a vital part of their relationship will be lacking. Likewise, a man can have a woman that cooks, cleans, provides “that thing” that Lauryn was talking about, but he may not be completely invested. If his “thing” is that his woman makes him feel “safe,” safe to let go, safe to confide, safe to give his all, and that woman does not make him feel “safe,” it may seem like his presence is there, but his heart is not.

The funny thing about “that thing” is that it differs from person to person. It may be something that I want, but it could be something that another person needs…like gravity. Many times, the “that thing” in our life, stems from something in our past, perhaps a relationship, an interaction, an event, and it has come to shape or determine our future relationships. I would say that before you go from one person to the next, thinking, “I don’t know, it’s just something about them that I don’t like,” do some self searching. So I ask you, what’s your “that thing?”

The Reality of the Situation is...


30 is the new 20…not when marriage and babies are concerned. One of my best friends called me today to tell me that we needed to find new friends because our old ones were either engaged or engaged in serious relationships. A few of her friends from high school were either married or engaged as well. We were single, very single. No man, no prospects, just us. And we needed to hang around women that were just as single and “alone” as we were. For her, having a constant reminder of the life that wasn’t, just wasn’t okay anymore.


This caught me off guard for a few reasons..My friend had recently been on this new “imma do me” kick. She was just chillin. Forget men, forget relationships, she would often say. She was just going to date, have fun, and not worry about getting serious for now. So of course I was on the phone, giving her my “Who are you right now?” look when she was spitting out this new idea. What happened to the liberated person that was having me evaluate my life earlier in the month…Well, I guess she left the building.


We all hear, and quite frankly, hate to hear, stories about women who are counting their eggs, listening to the ticking of their own clock, when it comes to settling down, and having children. But at what point is this reality? To step into Dawn from Danity Kane for a second, “The reality of the situation is,” women do have to be concerned about their age when it comes to procreating. The risks associated with pregnancy increase in a woman’s 30s. So in actuality, there is some validity to the clock concern.


When we were younger, and perhaps even now, we created a timeline for ourselves. “I’m going to finish school at 22, date, get married at 26, start having babies at 28, be done by 31, etc, etc,” or some variation. But then, the reality of the situation is, we cannot predict our love life. We cannot predict whom we meet, how we meet them, and when we meet them. We cannot predict these things, but at what time is it okay to be worried?


I think we’re walking a tightrope. It seems like the chances of everything bad happening with a pregnancy increases after 35…miscarriage, birth defects, stillbirth, cesarean birth, and high blood pressure. Ladies, I think that those are definitely reasons to be concerned, but how those concerns come across is definitely the issue. So I’m not going to give you an age at which you should start carrying around bank deposit cups, but I will help you out a little.
While, “Will you be my baby daddy?” may not actually come out of your mouth, your actions could actually be asking that question. You don’t want to be some woman that is on the sperm hunt, sniffing out any good man so that you can get his spearden. You want to be able to still live life, learn from different experiences, and appreciate all of the time that you have with any good or bad man that comes along.


So ladies, enjoy the single life as best as you can. I know it’s not easy, but in the meantime, try to take care of yourself so that when that time comes, you will be ready. Exercise daily, or almost daily, grow spiritually, eat a balanced diet, pamper yourself, and fall in love with yourself. Now that’s the reality of the situation!

Class Act

I really hope that my attempt to be somewhat politically correct here is obvious, but I have got to speak on this issue. There is a double standard amongst the classes, or it could be formally educated vs. non-formally educated, that exists, and it will seep into a conversation near you. I'm sure that anyone who graduated from a highly respected university, or maybe even just graduated from any college, can feel me. I graduated from Emory University iwth my bachelor's degree, and I have often felt that people, even my family, have made slick remarks about what that represents. "Oh you know thats the 'Emory girl," or "that must be an 'Emory' joke," or "you know she's so educated, Ms. Emory."

I'm kind of at a lost for what an "Emory girl" is, and I didn't know that we had our own set of jokes. It's somewhat of a condascending, "she thinks she's all that," attitude that comes across as a joke, but you know there's something else that lies beneath it. I doubt that I would get the same response had I gone to a historically black college, a community college, or a predominantly white school with less prestige. And though I just finished my masters at Georgia State, no one thinks that we have our own jokes, or that I should have a "Georgia State girl" nickname. It's like we look down on each other if we feel someone else has "made it" or gotten an education that supasses what is deemed appropriate for blacks. I'm sorry that Emory was calling my name, and I answered.

I was at a town hall meeting the other day, and there was a panel of "experts" that were speaking about the violence in the black community. There were lawyers, a judge, community activists, and teachers on the panel. As to be expected at a panel discussion, they had on their Sunday's best. Some of the people in the audience, who quite frankly were from the neighborhood, and didn't seem to have had any formal education, downed the panelists for how they were dressed. "What you are saying is going to go in one ear and out the otehr because of what you are wearing. I feel as if I can't relate to you." Now while that might be true, and an issue to be addressed, what if the shoe were on the other foot? "What you're saying is going in one ear and out the othr because you have your pants sagging down to your knees. You have on a hat in the auditorium, and you have gold teeth. I feel as if I can't relate to you." I highly doubt any of the panelists would have gotten any "Amens!" on that.

It's seems like people with less education or that come from a lower tax bracket, are able to get away with saying disrepectful, aggressive things to their educated counterparts. If we were to start the insults, or say something in return, then we would be seen as forgetting where we came from, thinking that we are better than others, that we cannot relate to anyone that is not as educated as we are, or even that we have "sold out." Maybe it is a defense mechanism, where one feels as if they have to dismiss something that they have not achieved, in order to feel better about it. At the end of the day, I enjoy having friendships with people from all walks of life. It makes me well rounded. Why not respect the differences amongst people instead of using it as a way to separate and classify "for" and "against?"

I Can't Even Spell Monogamie (monogamy)



I had a very interesting conversation with a young man one day, a football player. He is a fairly nice looking guy, nice build. He has a girlfriend of three years. To him, she’s the one. As a declaration of his undying love, he has a tattoo with her name on his arm. Also as a declaration of his undying love, he admittedly cheats on her. Fortunately or unfortunately, she is unaware that he is still “sewing his royal oats.” He justifies his cheating, wandering eyes, hands, and pleasure parts with the fact that he is young, and life should be enjoyed. He brushed off the idea that he was legitimately cheating on “the one.” So then I began to wonder…How does one justify cheating?

Its one of those things, everybody does it..Right? You can sit there high and mighty with your chest poked out if you want to, but I know better. Cheating has become one of America’s favorite pastimes, right up there with baseball and drinking. I’m not going to even try to tap into the cheating during marriage phenomenon that’s overwhelming the country, let’s just stay in safer ground, cheating while you are in an exclusive relationship with someone. It’s like, before marriage, anything goes, you’re not tied down to anyone legally, so what’s the big deal?
Well, I’ll tell ya the big deal. Someone else’s emotions are tied up into another person’s selfish behavior, it isn’t just about you. But before the behavior occurs, some justification has to be made. Over the years, what I have found is that people justify cheating by one of six ways, or some combination of the six.

1). People, particularly men, like variety. If they are dating one person, they may get used to that person fairly quickly, and the excitement is gone. They get bored. If they are physical with another person, they are able to keep their sexual life exciting and new. And even when those people on the starting lineup begin the bore them, what’s that?...yep, they’re on to the next.

2). People want the best of both worlds. What I mean is, different people, different relationships, different setups, all offer something different, but yet exciting and desirable. There may be one quality in one person that you love and another quality in someone else that you adore. How many times have we said, “Well I love how Dexter can hold a conversation, but I love how I feel when I’m with Winston.” There are so many things that we are attracted to and unattracted to, that we in essence have to weigh what we can live with and what we can’t live without…but until then, we’ll settle for the perfect persons, some combination of men or women, that give us all that we could ever want or need.

3). People are dissatisfied with the relationship, but unwilling to let go of being in a relationship. This one really kills me, because it’s really a waste of time for all parties involved. For whatever reason, a person has emotionally, and maybe even physically, checked out of the relationship, but they want all of the social or financial perks of being in one. The person has decided that for whatever reason, that they are not getting what they need from the relationship. And really, this is fine. People grow apart. People’s needs change. I am not negating that fact. However, if that person is not meeting your spiritual, emotional, sexual, and psychological needs, why stay? We stay because it’s what we have known for so long, it’s comfortable. Being “single” carries some sort of stigma that some people are not prepared for. So instead of moving on, and allowing the other person to move on and halfway meet someone else’s needs, they get their needs met by dating multiple people.

4). Some people are just selfish. They feel as if they are invincible and that they should be able to do what they want. I really think that this is where my football player falls. He never mentioned anything about his needs not being met, or his girlfriend being deficient in any area, he just wanted to have sex with multiple women. It was all about him, and none about her. Her feelings did not matter, and he took for granted their relationship. He took the montage “Imma do me,” and ran with it…good for him…NOT!

5). This reason is so fantastic, that it actually should probably be a little higher up on the totem pole. To be honest, many people just are not ready for a serious relationship and what that entails. They definitely like the idea of having someone around and available, being able to connect with someone emotionally and sexually, but as far as being exclusively involved with that person, it just might be too much. They’re not ready for all that. They like the consistency of a relationship, but they definitely are not committed to the exclusivity of it. Instead of expressing that with their significant other, and seeing where that takes them, they would rather have a basketball team than a MVP.

6). Last but certainly not least comes from a conversation that I had with a younger, male cousin of mine. He said that he felt like 99% of men would cheat if they 100%, without a doubt, guaranteed knew that they would not get caught. In essence, the only thing that keeps men from cheating is the threat that they would get caught. So on the flip side, people, women included, cheat because they do not think that their indiscretions will be uncovered. And to take it a step further, they feel that even if they did get caught, they would not lose their partner. So at the end of the day, what harm is it doing? I can cheat, get all my needs met, feel like “I still got it,” and not even get caught? Bet. Now this conversation with my cousin definitely shocked the dickens out of me, so don’t worry, I’ll have an entire entry devoted to it in the future.

So that’s all folks, men cheat, women cheat…who cheats more, well that’s not the focus of this entry. All I’m saying is, where there is a cheater, a reason is there also. There’s a method behind their infidelity. One doesn’t just fall on or in something by mistake, it’s contemplated, justified, and sought out.

This Goes Out to All My Baby Mamas

And daddies…the sorry ones. Lord knows I get tired of seeing you.

So, I was waiting at the Five Points Marta Station the other day, when I hear this man walk up with 4 kids, ages three to five years old. “Stop swinging that goddamn thing!” he yells at them (sorry Lord, but the people must know). Then he realizes that after waiting 10 minutes, we still will not be able to get on the train that just pulled up, he continues, “They would send this raggly ass train during rush hour. This mothaf*er don’t event work!” So you know the educator in me cringed. And I’m sure we’ve all seen it, some parent that quite frankly, has no business being one. I’m sorry, but you can have your habits all you want to, those bits of your personality that make you, you. However, if those bits of your personality are filled with ignorance and anger, be another person around your kid.

Some parents don’t have the temperament for children, the class to raise any, or the sense to monitor their behavior or words around them. And we wonder, what is missing from the coming generations? Guidance. Love. These parents are so angry, at the world, their situation, their life, their kids, and so uneducated about what it takes to be a good parent, and unfortunately the children bare the brunt. These children grow up not understanding what love is, how care is exhibited, and what boundaries are.

Ladies, stop bringing different "uncles" around your kids all the time, knowing you're an only child. And men, stop thinking its cute to have your son hang with you and your homeboys when y'all are drinking, smoking, and listening to foul music. We really underestimate what children remember, and what parts of ourselves we pass on to them. But at an early age, these things stick.

Though people do not always plan on being parents, parenting should be purposeful. You should purposefully incorporate them into your life, into your time, into your daily routine. Parenting is so much more than buying your child nice clothes, enrolling them in a school, and letting the television act as a babysitter. If you think that life post children will be the exact same as life before, then society has to pay for your selfishness.

As a parent, one must realize that there might be parts of yourself that you may have to temporarily let go, or at least sensor around your child. Children are like sponges, and they pick up on everything. Are you doing or saying things around your child that you would punish them for? If so, you might want to look at yourself, and make that CHANGE.

Even Victoria Knows this Secret


You know what? As women, we love to set ourselves up for the okey doke. We lie to ourselves, try to convince ourselves of certain things that we just KNOW aren’t the truth. Like….acting like we’re not going to have sex with someone, be physically intimate with someone, or just a little bit freaky with someone, but we wear our cute panties anyway. Awww ladies, don’t you go there giving me the side eye like you don’t know what I’m talking about.

I was talking to a girlfriend the other day, and I asked her about an old flame of hers, and she spoke about how they had just seen each other. “I mean, yea we had sex, so…, “ she says. “I really wasn’t planning on it, and I really didn’t want to, but you know, of course I wore cute underwear anyway.” Now of course, I looked at her like, “girl, you already know,” cause she set herself up. Of course you’re thinking that you want to be prepared in the off chance that something actually goes down, but what I’m saying to you is, it’s probably a lot less likely to be the off chance, and more likely to be the, “Its going down. I have some sexual frustration. If he even looks at me with piercing eyes, I’m going to drop the draws” chance. And that’s cool…do you boo boo, just don’t sit up there trying to front like you did not know it was going to happen.

Its like we want it to happen, but for some reason we like to play coy, and let the guys do the initiating. I’m not saying all of the time, but particularly in the “I’m not studying him” phase that so many of us go through, we want it to seem as if we were not only suckered into intimacy, but also that we wear cute panties like this every day. Let me let you in on something…we’re not slick, even Victor knows this secret.


So the next time you’re in the “I’m not studying him” phase and he comes over, or you go to give him a visit, do one of two things. Either say and be okay with, “We’re going to have sex when we see each other,” and wear the laciest, sheerest, sexiest panties you can find or say, “We’re just going to chill and hang out,” and plunge into the biggest, most ugliest, grandmaest draws in your drawer…you know you have them. And let the secret out…

Classification vs. Stereotyping


Dating back to elementary school, second grade if we were advanced, we learned one major thing in our science classes during the life science unit. We learned how to classify objects, things, animals, people. It was at this time that we truly learned the difference between reptiles, amphibians, mammals, birds, and fish. We learned the difference between vertebrates and invertebrates. We learned how to group animals according to the similarities and differences in their appearance, their behavior, even down to what they ate. We were so proud of ourselves in that we could look at a picture, and identify to which group, that animal belonged. Gold star for us!

Our parents even took this lesson outside of the classroom doors. There are strangers and non-strangers, and we don’t talk to the strangers. And as we grew older, we continued to classify. Healthy vs. non-healthy. Smart vs. dumb. Pretty vs. ugly. We gave everyone and everything a label, a group to belong, to which it was fairly difficult to switch up, or pass on to the other side. But then our classification seemed to be taken to another level, where it was helpful to identify groups of people as having the same characteristic. For instance, you see a shifty-eyed, gold mouthed, baggy pants wearing, teenager walking towards you..What do you do? Well, if you’re like me you become extra aware of your surroundings, you may even pull your purse in a little tighter, and you may avoid eye contact at all costs. I guess what I’m saying is, we all “classify,” and much of the time, we do it for safety reasons. We do not have time to size up each shifty-eyed person we see individually, so we put those individuals into one group…the “let me avoid them” group.

This whole idea of classificiation vs. stereotyping came to me the other day while I was reading an online forum about an event that was being held in Piedmont Park in Atlanta, Georgia. It’s called Screen on the Green, and it happens every Thursday in June. It’s been going on for years, and I have attended one myself. No problems, no drama, no issues. But this year, there were some shootings at the event. The forum was basically attributing all of the issues that happened at the park to black teenagers, and saying that stuff like this often happens when black teenagers are around. Now, why’d you have to go and pull out the race card son!?!? So of course, people started commenting on how it was not okay to group people like that, and so forth. But at the end of the day…..

I mean, the reality of the situation is…whenever we hear about violence, or someone breaking into someone else’s house, or theft, more than likely, it’s a black person. And whether we as black people are ready to admit it or not, that is the truth. Not to say that all black people are into illegal activity, because I certainly know many educated, law abiding black citizens, but if there is a situation where there is some illegal, potentially violent behavior, especially in a city with a lot of black folks, the person will often be black. Let’s just be honest. If we hear about a sniper or someone going to their job and shooting people, more often than not, we assume that it is a white person. Whenever we hear about a robbery or a murder, we assume it’s a black person. And though our assumptions seem stereotypical, there is some truth to them. Before making such a claim, of course, I researched the Office of Juvenile and Delinquency Prevention and the Sentencing Project. Blacks led the country in incarceration rates, violent crimes, and property crimes.

So just as we have been taught to classify based on common behavior patterns, communication styles, and appearances, those classifications also go our views of people. It’s unfortunate but we all do it on a daily. All I can say is that we should try to keep as much of our humanness, gentleness, and innocence as we possibly can in our everyday interactions with others. What do you think the difference is between classification and stereotyping? Is there a difference? And when does engaging in classification or stereotyping become harmful?

I do...do I?


This new phenomenon is quite disgusting…quite depressing…quite on my nerves. We have all heard it from some 35+ person in our lives that quite frankly puts a dent in our respect for their love life. “Well we’ve been dating for years. We have two kids together, so we just went ahead and did it. We went ahead and got married.” Newsflash, in case you were wondering, don’t just go ahead and marry me. I want the real thing. It seems as if we have it all backwards. If we could just take a second and go back to the Stone Age. Remember the childhood song that we all hated, but secretly loved to hear, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.” We blushed when we heard those words. Our friends were teasing us, but at some point we thought that perhaps we did want love first, then marriage, then a baby. What happened?

Okay, I got it. Things don’t necessarily happen that way. People make love in the club, babies get born in the hospital…I get it. I’m not even trippin on that. What I’m saying is, babies come, people get married, and we’re not even sure if love is there. People are entering into marriage way less deliberately, less passionately, than ever before. It’s like, well we’ve being playing house all this time, why not go ahead and make it official. But if your heart is not in it, then why sign up for the formality?

Like I said, don’t just go ahead and marry me. I’ve always thought that sounds so much less on purpose. That it is more of a business deal, or well it just makes sense deal, than a love deal, a dealing of the heart. I want someone to want to be with me, to love me, and to actually want to spend the rest of their life with me. I don’t want to enter into marriage with someone because it’s easier that way, or because it just makes sense, or because we have been pretending for years. I want that person to undoubtedly feel that I am the one for them, not just the convenient one. Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic, but I would rather be engaged in a business deal instead of being married to one.

So what causes someone to just “go ahead and do it?” I know that I’ve discussed the idea that it’s easier that way, that they are comfortable not shaking the status quo, but I cannot help but to wonder if that person has in their mind given up on anything better. Have they decided that this is probably the best I’m going to get? I have two kids, dating is hard, we’ve been together all this time, and quite frankly, this is it..this is what love has for me. She cooks, she cleans, she takes care of my kids, and there are not many women that are going to put up with what I’m bringing. Or, he takes care of me and my kids, he works, and it’s nice having a man around the house, and there aren’t many men that are going to come in and take care of kids that aren’t theirs. Let’s just go ahead and do it..let’s just go ahead and get married. So you say you do…but do you?

Oh and although Carrie Bradshaw inspires me, I actually wrote this piece before Sex and the City 2 was released.

Another One Bites the Dust


A suburbanite. An educator. Having led a fairly sheltered life, even I am not exempt. Even I have been affected by this epidemic that is plaguing our community. What am I talking about is young black men that have been, are, or will be, caught up in the justice system. If we turn on the evening news, we can see how black men are continuously involved in illegal activity that lands them on my T.V. screen, in the courts, and in jail or prison or dead. But for most black people, even sheltered suburbanites like myself, we do not have to turn on the T.V. to learn of another black man that has just virtually ruined his life or at least put a major dent in its progress.

Recently, cousins and childhood friends of this suburbanite have faced charges ranging from terroristic threats, to pimping, to robbery, to murder. And I am sure that it will not take you long to think of someone in your circle with a similar story. So if everyone knows someone, who knows someone, who knows someone, who has this story, where is the black community going? Yes, we have made huge advances…Obama is President, but the state of the black community is in despair.

I was having a lively debate with my cousin who was basically stating that “the system” has set our young black men up for failure. They have put drugs into the community, subjected black kids to poor education, etc. And while I agree that these things definitely contribute to the hardships that blacks, and black men specifically face, I had to ask, where is the accountability? I definitely do not want to negate responsibility that these factors carry, but what does identifying them as a reason for our condition do for our condition? We as a community cannot waste another breath blaming someone for what we are currently facing, but instead we need to look within to find out what we can do to help alleviate some of the affects. We are the ones making black men an endangered species, by killing each other over money, power and respect. We sell drugs to our brothers and sisters, leaving them addicted to crack cocaine. We have numerous babies out of wedlock, signing our children up for the many dangers that come along with a single parent home. We leave our children to raise themselves, thinking that real parenting does not involve being an active parent.

My point is, yes, there are definitely systemic institutions and barriers that have, and continue to hold black people back from truly living a life of greatness, but there are so many things that we are doing that make our condition worse instead of better. There are things that at the bare minimum we can do the place ourselves in a better position. It’s a multifaceted problem with no quick solution. But the time is now…

Danger! She smashed the homies!


Some friends of mine were having a conversation on Google’s version of Twitter, Google Buzz, about homieloverfriends and smashing. The question was asked, “What’s the difference between a friend and a homegirl?” It boiled down to two opposing opinions: men want to sleep with their friend, but hang out with their homegirl vs. men smash their homegirl, cause she’s always around, but that they want to smash the friend. It seemed as if we were beating around the bush, or putting it lightly when it came to homieloverfriends, when a friend took it upon herself to sum everything up. “No matter what the moniker used, you're probably getting/have gotten/or likely to get smashed...cause at the end of the day, isn't smashing what it’s all about?”

When I read those words, coming from a female friend of mine, I had to stare at the screen for awhile, and honestly chuckle a little. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. A male friend once told me that he has thought of every female friend in his life that way, like once he meets a woman, he thinks in essence, “is she smashable?” Because if smashing is indeed what it is all about, have we not missed the mark? I guess maybe I’m an old romantic, but my thoughts are, isn’t love what it’s all about? Since when did smashing replace genuinely liking and getting to know someone? We have substituted mental and emotional intimacy for expressions of sexuality and physicality. I am not saying that these two entities are mutually exclusive, because they clearly are not, but when did the order get reversed? I guess the question in the “yes,” “no,” “maybe” box note was not what I had imagined it to be.

So if smashing is what it’s all about, dinner, movie, and sexting are your foreplay.

No Shoes No Socks Welcomes you!

No Shoes No Socks will be a place where you can just kick back, relax, and read about my thoughts, perceptions, and experiences with the world. I may talk about love, life, the world of work, racism, societal pressures, etc. You never know what you're going to get when you turn to No Shoes No Socks, but I'd like to think that whatever interests me, will also interest you. So thanks for visiting, sit back and relax with No Shoes No Socks.