I Can't Even Spell Monogamie (monogamy)

I had a very interesting conversation with a young man one day, a football player. He is a fairly nice looking guy, nice build. He has a girlfriend of three years. To him, she’s the one. As a declaration of his undying love, he has a tattoo with her name on his arm. Also as a declaration of his undying love, he admittedly cheats on her. Fortunately or unfortunately, she is unaware that he is still “sewing his royal oats.” He justifies his cheating, wandering eyes, hands, and pleasure parts with the fact that he is young, and life should be enjoyed. He brushed off the idea that he was legitimately cheating on “the one.” So then I began to wonder…How does one justify cheating?

Its one of those things, everybody does it..Right? You can sit there high and mighty with your chest poked out if you want to, but I know better. Cheating has become one of America’s favorite pastimes, right up there with baseball and drinking. I’m not going to even try to tap into the cheating during marriage phenomenon that’s overwhelming the country, let’s just stay in safer ground, cheating while you are in an exclusive relationship with someone. It’s like, before marriage, anything goes, you’re not tied down to anyone legally, so what’s the big deal?

Well, I’ll tell ya the big deal. Someone else’s emotions are tied up into another person’s selfish behavior, it isn’t just about you. But before the behavior occurs, some justification has to be made. Over the years, what I have found is that people justify cheating by one of six ways, or some combination of the six.

1). People, particularly men, like variety. If they are dating one person, they may get used to that person fairly quickly, and the excitement is gone. They get bored. If they are physical with another person, they are able to keep their sexual life exciting and new. And even when those people on the starting lineup begin the bore them, what’s that?...yep, they’re on to the next.

2). People want the best of both worlds. What I mean is, different people, different relationships, different setups, all offer something different, but yet exciting and desirable. There may be one quality in one person that you love and another quality in someone else that you adore. How many times have we said, “Well I love how Dexter can hold a conversation, but I love how I feel when I’m with Winston.” There are so many things that we are attracted to and unattracted to, that we in essence have to weigh what we can live with and what we can’t live without…but until then, we’ll settle for the perfect persons, some combination of men or women, that give us all that we could ever want or need.

3). People are dissatisfied with the relationship, but unwilling to let go of being in a relationship. This one really kills me, because it’s really a waste of time for all parties involved. For whatever reason, a person has emotionally, and maybe even physically, checked out of the relationship, but they want all of the social or financial perks of being in one. The person has decided that for whatever reason, that they are not getting what they need from the relationship. And really, this is fine. People grow apart. People’s needs change. I am not negating that fact. However, if that person is not meeting your spiritual, emotional, sexual, and psychological needs, why stay? We stay because it’s what we have known for so long, it’s comfortable. Being “single” carries some sort of stigma that some people are not prepared for. So instead of moving on, and allowing the other person to move on and halfway meet someone else’s needs, they get their needs met by dating multiple people.

4). Some people are just selfish. They feel as if they are invincible and that they should be able to do what they want. I really think that this is where my football player falls. He never mentioned anything about his needs not being met, or his girlfriend being deficient in any area, he just wanted to have sex with multiple women. It was all about him, and none about her. Her feelings did not matter, and he took for granted their relationship. He took the montage “Imma do me,” and ran with it…good for him…NOT!

5). This reason is so fantastic, that it actually should probably be a little higher up on the totem pole. To be honest, many people just are not ready for a serious relationship and what that entails. They definitely like the idea of having someone around and available, being able to connect with someone emotionally and sexually, but as far as being exclusively involved with that person, it just might be too much. They’re not ready for all that. They like the consistency of a relationship, but they definitely are not committed to the exclusivity of it. Instead of expressing that with their significant other, and seeing where that takes them, they would rather have a basketball team than a MVP.

6). Last but certainly not least comes from a conversation that I had with a younger, male cousin of mine. He said that he felt like 99% of men would cheat if they 100%, without a doubt, guaranteed knew that they would not get caught. In essence, the only thing that keeps men from cheating is the threat that they would get caught. So on the flip side, people, women included, cheat because they do not think that their indiscretions will be uncovered. And to take it a step further, they feel that even if they did get caught, they would not lose their partner. So at the end of the day, what harm is it doing? I can cheat, get all my needs met, feel like “I still got it,” and not even get caught? Bet. Now this conversation with my cousin definitely shocked the dickens out of me, so don’t worry, I’ll have an entire entry devoted to it in the future.

So that’s all folks, men cheat, women cheat…who cheats more, well that’s not the focus of this entry. All I’m saying is, where there is a cheater, a reason is there also. There’s a method behind their infidelity. One doesn’t just fall on or in something by mistake, it’s contemplated, justified, and sought out.