Woman Thou Art Loose

This isn't a religious entry...but it may raise some Christian eyebrows.  This is Convo talking, at the purest state of being.  In front of a purely nonjudgmental audience, I would like to tell the world that yes, I too, watch Basketball Wives.  I know it isn't right, but darn it, after a hard day, or not even that hard of a day, I like to watch trash TV.  Well, even if you won't openly admit that you watch Basketball Wives yourself, I am pretty sure that you are aware of Evelyn Lozada.  In my family or even among friends, I have engaged in lengthy conversations about Evelyn Lozada and her "looseness."   


Many people have criticized Evelyn for engaging in sexual activity with numerous men.  I don't personally know Evelyn or have an accurate count of her sexual partners, but I'd just like to say publicly, that I really do not care what tricks and flips she does in her bedroom, or whom she does them with.  Aside from Evelyn, aside from Rihanna, and aside from Lynn from Girlfriends, my favorite show when Toni was still there by the way, there are plenty of women that are sexually liberated, and do not ascribe to the sexual mores of society.  For men, sex is a right of passage, it helps to define their masculinity (definitely not in an exclusive fashion).  I'm not saying that it is noble, and women please don't be naive at this point here.  We may not define masculinity in this way, but when fathers and sons have "that talk," it is one filled with encouragement, excitement, and pride, on both ends.  Men can sleep with multiple women, maybe considered a dog by some, but I doubt many people would call him "loose."  We've all heard that "a man's got needs," right?

If a woman sleeps with multiple men, she's promiscuous, a hoe, fast, and downright nasty.  I do not choose to live my life this way, but if a woman enjoys sex and enjoys the company of men, why is it right or wrong?  We may have a separate set of values that we live by, or would like our daughters to follow, but I don't believe she is a whore.  She lives by her own rules, not mine.  As long as she is not having unprotected sex, having multiple babies by multiple men, sleeping with a different man for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, or sleeping with my imaginary man, then I'd just like to offer my blessing to her.  Go on girl, go head get down!


And again, this isn't a religious entry.  This is Convo talking, at the purest state of being.  I'm talking about sex, without any religious influences.  Purely the double standard between men's right of passage and women's sexual liberation.

Boxer briefs vs. Panties

While boxer briefs are fairly comfortable, that is not necessarily the point of this post. I’m sure we all know someone, or maybe we are that someone, that after a lot of heartbreak and headache, there comes a time that we as women try to disengage ourselves from men emotionally, and try instead to pursue a mainly physical or social relationship with a guy. In essence, we want to date like a man. We want to be able to have sex with a man, go out on multiple dates, or get our foreplay on, without any attachment, any feelings, any real connection with the other person. But can we really do it?

My girlfriends and I definitely all went through an “imma do me” phase of our own, some to a greater or lesser extent, some to a more reckless extent than others, some for a longer time than others, but what it meant, for all of us, was that we wanted to get ours. We wanted to experiment. We wanted to be able just have fun, let ambitions go, and not have a bunch of emotion attached to it. We wanted to be as detached as we had perceived men to be. And of course, since we were all coming to this idea at the same time, we were our best cheerleaders…"mmmhmm girl! Do you, cuz imma do me..imma do me! That’s all I can tell you. I gotsta get mine!" We were so into it, and so convinced that we could actually do this, and be successful at it.

What we didn’t know was, or perhaps we were in denial that we already have one up on men when it comes to dealings of the heart for two main reasons. First, since birth we have been conditioned to think with our hearts, rather than our heads, and secondly, whether we like to admit it or not, the estrogen in our bodies contributes to our emotionality. So we kind of set ourselves up, thinking that we could let go of the first 27 years of our life, and turn over a brand new leaf of behaving and interacting with men. Granted, we were decently successful at it, some more than others, but after awhile, not only had reality set in, the feelings had also.

Though we were slow to admit it, we had each far surpassed the “dating like a man” phase, and had actually entered into the “dang, this is actually my boo” torment. So I began to wonder; what would have made it easier? Dating multiple men, with each having the same level of fervor or chemistry? Keeping the physicality out of the “relationship?” Always making sure that we had the upper hand in the direction of the “relationship?” I don’t know. I don’t have the answer, but what I do know is that somehow, what we each were trying to avoid, actually found its way back to us. And we ended up having to not only grapple with these feelings, but also the disbelief and shock that these feelings had actually formed. So I ask you, America, boxer briefs or panties; can women wear both?

The Reality of the Situation is...

30 is the new 20…not when marriage and babies are concerned. One of my best friends called me today to tell me that we needed to find new friends because our old ones were either engaged or engaged in serious relationships. A few of her friends from high school were either married or engaged as well. We were single, very single. No man, no prospects, just us. And we needed to hang around women that were just as single and “alone” as we were. For her, having a constant reminder of the life that wasn’t, just wasn’t okay anymore.

This caught me off guard for a few reasons..My friend had recently been on this new “imma do me” kick. She was just chillin. Forget men, forget relationships, she would often say. She was just going to date, have fun, and not worry about getting serious for now. So of course I was on the phone, giving her my “Who are you right now?” look when she was spitting out this new idea. What happened to the liberated person that was having me evaluate my life earlier in the month…Well, I guess she left the building.

We all hear, and quite frankly, hate to hear, stories about women who are counting their eggs, listening to the ticking of their own clock, when it comes to settling down, and having children. But at what point is this reality? To step into Dawn from Danity Kane for a second, “The reality of the situation is,” women do have to be concerned about their age when it comes to procreating. The risks associated with pregnancy increase in a woman’s 30s. So in actuality, there is some validity to the clock concern.

When we were younger, and perhaps even now, we created a timeline for ourselves. “I’m going to finish school at 22, date, get married at 26, start having babies at 28, be done by 31, etc, etc,” or some variation. But then, the reality of the situation is, we cannot predict our love life. We cannot predict whom we meet, how we meet them, and when we meet them. We cannot predict these things, but at what time is it okay to be worried?

I think we’re walking a tightrope. It seems like the chances of everything bad happening with a pregnancy increases after 35…miscarriage, birth defects, stillbirth, cesarean birth, and high blood pressure. Ladies, I think that those are definitely reasons to be concerned, but how those concerns come across is definitely the issue. So I’m not going to give you an age at which you should start carrying around bank deposit cups, but I will help you out a little.
While, “Will you be my baby daddy?” may not actually come out of your mouth, your actions could actually be asking that question. You don’t want to be some woman that is on the sperm hunt, sniffing out any good man so that you can get his spearden. You want to be able to still live life, learn from different experiences, and appreciate all of the time that you have with any good or bad man that comes along.

So ladies, enjoy the single life as best as you can. I know it’s not easy, but in the meantime, try to take care of yourself so that when that time comes, you will be ready. Exercise daily, or almost daily, grow spiritually, eat a balanced diet, pamper yourself, and fall in love with yourself. Now that’s the reality of the situation!