Woman Thou Art Loose

This isn't a religious entry...but it may raise some Christian eyebrows.  This is Convo talking, at the purest state of being.  In front of a purely nonjudgmental audience, I would like to tell the world that yes, I too, watch Basketball Wives.  I know it isn't right, but darn it, after a hard day, or not even that hard of a day, I like to watch trash TV.  Well, even if you won't openly admit that you watch Basketball Wives yourself, I am pretty sure that you are aware of Evelyn Lozada.  In my family or even among friends, I have engaged in lengthy conversations about Evelyn Lozada and her "looseness."   


Many people have criticized Evelyn for engaging in sexual activity with numerous men.  I don't personally know Evelyn or have an accurate count of her sexual partners, but I'd just like to say publicly, that I really do not care what tricks and flips she does in her bedroom, or whom she does them with.  Aside from Evelyn, aside from Rihanna, and aside from Lynn from Girlfriends, my favorite show when Toni was still there by the way, there are plenty of women that are sexually liberated, and do not ascribe to the sexual mores of society.  For men, sex is a right of passage, it helps to define their masculinity (definitely not in an exclusive fashion).  I'm not saying that it is noble, and women please don't be naive at this point here.  We may not define masculinity in this way, but when fathers and sons have "that talk," it is one filled with encouragement, excitement, and pride, on both ends.  Men can sleep with multiple women, maybe considered a dog by some, but I doubt many people would call him "loose."  We've all heard that "a man's got needs," right?

If a woman sleeps with multiple men, she's promiscuous, a hoe, fast, and downright nasty.  I do not choose to live my life this way, but if a woman enjoys sex and enjoys the company of men, why is it right or wrong?  We may have a separate set of values that we live by, or would like our daughters to follow, but I don't believe she is a whore.  She lives by her own rules, not mine.  As long as she is not having unprotected sex, having multiple babies by multiple men, sleeping with a different man for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, or sleeping with my imaginary man, then I'd just like to offer my blessing to her.  Go on girl, go head get down!


And again, this isn't a religious entry.  This is Convo talking, at the purest state of being.  I'm talking about sex, without any religious influences.  Purely the double standard between men's right of passage and women's sexual liberation.

Boxer briefs vs. Panties

While boxer briefs are fairly comfortable, that is not necessarily the point of this post. I’m sure we all know someone, or maybe we are that someone, that after a lot of heartbreak and headache, there comes a time that we as women try to disengage ourselves from men emotionally, and try instead to pursue a mainly physical or social relationship with a guy. In essence, we want to date like a man. We want to be able to have sex with a man, go out on multiple dates, or get our foreplay on, without any attachment, any feelings, any real connection with the other person. But can we really do it?

My girlfriends and I definitely all went through an “imma do me” phase of our own, some to a greater or lesser extent, some to a more reckless extent than others, some for a longer time than others, but what it meant, for all of us, was that we wanted to get ours. We wanted to experiment. We wanted to be able just have fun, let ambitions go, and not have a bunch of emotion attached to it. We wanted to be as detached as we had perceived men to be. And of course, since we were all coming to this idea at the same time, we were our best cheerleaders…"mmmhmm girl! Do you, cuz imma do me..imma do me! That’s all I can tell you. I gotsta get mine!" We were so into it, and so convinced that we could actually do this, and be successful at it.

What we didn’t know was, or perhaps we were in denial that we already have one up on men when it comes to dealings of the heart for two main reasons. First, since birth we have been conditioned to think with our hearts, rather than our heads, and secondly, whether we like to admit it or not, the estrogen in our bodies contributes to our emotionality. So we kind of set ourselves up, thinking that we could let go of the first 27 years of our life, and turn over a brand new leaf of behaving and interacting with men. Granted, we were decently successful at it, some more than others, but after awhile, not only had reality set in, the feelings had also.

Though we were slow to admit it, we had each far surpassed the “dating like a man” phase, and had actually entered into the “dang, this is actually my boo” torment. So I began to wonder; what would have made it easier? Dating multiple men, with each having the same level of fervor or chemistry? Keeping the physicality out of the “relationship?” Always making sure that we had the upper hand in the direction of the “relationship?” I don’t know. I don’t have the answer, but what I do know is that somehow, what we each were trying to avoid, actually found its way back to us. And we ended up having to not only grapple with these feelings, but also the disbelief and shock that these feelings had actually formed. So I ask you, America, boxer briefs or panties; can women wear both?

Even Victoria Knows this Secret

You know what? As women, we love to set ourselves up for the okey doke. We lie to ourselves, try to convince ourselves of certain things that we just KNOW aren’t the truth. Like….acting like we’re not going to have sex with someone, be physically intimate with someone, or just a little bit freaky with someone, but we wear our cute panties anyway. Awww ladies, don’t you go there giving me the side eye like you don’t know what I’m talking about.

I was talking to a girlfriend the other day, and I asked her about an old flame of hers, and she spoke about how they had just seen each other. “I mean, yea we had sex, so…, “ she says. “I really wasn’t planning on it, and I really didn’t want to, but you know, of course I wore cute underwear anyway.” Now of course, I looked at her like, “girl, you already know,” cause she set herself up. Of course you’re thinking that you want to be prepared in the off chance that something actually goes down, but what I’m saying to you is, it’s probably a lot less likely to be the off chance, and more likely to be the, “Its going down. I have some sexual frustration. If he even looks at me with piercing eyes, I’m going to drop the draws” chance. And that’s cool…do you boo boo, just don’t sit up there trying to front like you did not know it was going to happen.

Its like we want it to happen, but for some reason we like to play coy, and let the guys do the initiating. I’m not saying all of the time, but particularly in the “I’m not studying him” phase that so many of us go through, we want it to seem as if we were not only suckered into intimacy, but also that we wear cute panties like this every day. Let me let you in on something…we’re not slick, even Victor knows this secret.

So the next time you’re in the “I’m not studying him” phase and he comes over, or you go to give him a visit, do one of two things. Either say and be okay with, “We’re going to have sex when we see each other,” and wear the laciest, sheerest, sexiest panties you can find or say, “We’re just going to chill and hang out,” and plunge into the biggest, most ugliest, grandmaest draws in your drawer…you know you have them. And let the secret out…