"That's Just My Baby Daddy," Literally

As an advocate of healthy families and children everywhere, I can’t help but to cringe when hearing about this idiot Tennessee man that has fathered 30 children, with 11 different baby mamas.  One reporter looked at the situation as child abuse, and I have to agree.  How can you continue to purposely bring children into the world, when you know you cannot care for them?  I know that it’s done on a daily basis, 5 maybe 6 kids, but 30?  It’s reported that some of the women receive $1.49 a month in child support, since Desmond Hatchett works a minimum wage job.  Guess he can’t afford child support or condoms for that matter.

But I can’t let the mamas off the hook.  They are just as ignorant as they come.  (I’m sorry this entry isn’t more sophisticated.  I just can’t)  If a man has 3 kids and hasn’t been married, I’m asking questions.  What you been doing?  Naw.   What THE hell you been doing?  Why would you want to have a child with a man that clearly does not think that it’s important to be a good father?  Let’s put the lunch money child support aside, and focus on just the ability to “father” these children.  Desmond cannot be a role model to these kids.  Desmond cannot spend quality time with all 30 of these kids and teach them about responsibility, self-respect, and integrity.  But eleven women, in the heat of the moment, put hopefully great sex before their children’s future.  They decided to have a child by a man that can’t afford to be a great father, intellectually, physically or financially. 

I’m sure people might say, well maybe all of them didn’t know what they were getting themselves into.  Doubt it.  There are signs to what kind of a father a person is going to be before you get pregnant by them.   Let’s try these on for size:

• Is s/he currently employed?
• How is his relationship with his mother or father?
• What are his goals?
• And lastly…I could go on, but I’ll just do 4.  Does he have any other kids?  If so, does he take care of them?

And really that last bullet will tell it all.  But I always say, women think that their “stuff” is the “stuff” that’s going to whip their man into shape.  Get him to change.  Get him to stay.  Hate to tell you this ladies, but when you have a sorry man, your stuff CAN’T be all that.

A Blessing or a Brush off?

Sometimes I get nervous about writing these posts because I am sure people attempt to guess who I am speaking of or which experience has possessed me to blog about it.  But for now, I am going to let you, the fans, think that I have a huge family and a huge circle of friends….

One of my family members was speaking of another one’s hard times, setbacks, and struggles, and stated that she told that individual that he needed to “get down on his knees and start praying, and start going to church.”  Upon hearing this, I was turned off, taken aback.  This individual who has now been saved from all unrighteousness because of this advice, believes in God, but definitely isn’t the Bible toting, scripture quoting, prayer praying person, but he does however make sure he blesses his food each time he eats.  Has to go down right, right?  Anyway, I digress. 

For me, this person is in a bind, has some difficulties that are keeping him from moving forward in his life.  For me, it wasn’t enough to tell him to pray about it.  Does prayer work?  Yes.  Does the Bible say, “ask and you shall receive?” Yes.  However, when you are talking to someone that hasn’t seen a decade of Easters inside a church, I don’t think it’s the most effective thing to keep the conversation at….go to church and pray about it.

A friend from college used to say, “Pray about it"....a person’s response when they don’t want to listen to your problems.  And to a degree, I agree.  Maybe I am praying about it, and I felt led to speak to you about what I’m experiencing.  Maybe I just want to bitch about something.  Let me have my Diana Ross moment.  I think some Christians can be so quick to give a standard solution to someone’s challenges, but when you are speaking to someone that needs more, whose faith isn’t quite there yet, “pray about it,” can seem as if you are trivializing one’s experiences and putting a band-aid on a gun wound.  I believe in the power of prayer, but I also feel that sometimes people may need that reminder to pray PLUS somewhere tangible to start, and you maybe the person to get them there.